MAINTAINING PSYCHOLOGICAL BALANCE
INTRODUCTION“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (cowardice, of craven, and cringing and fawning fear), but (He has given us a spirit) of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.” 2Timothy 1:7
DEFINITION OF TERMS
Psychological: of or pertaining to psychology.
Psychology: mental, emotional, and behavioural characteristics pertaining to a specified person, group or activity.
Balance: a state of equilibrium; mental health, calmness, a state of remaining clear-headed and unperturbed.
Maintain: to keep up, to preserve, to uphold (a state, condition)
Psychology is a serious academic and clinical discipline. It is also a term that has become part of the contemporary thought and conversation of our culture. As such, the idea of psychological balance is confusing and often meaningless to people. The effort to understand and create a psychological balance is on-going throughout a lifetime and through the changes that come with the arrival at and the passage through different life stages. This process is an individual one. Each person must create a process that fits their unique background personality characteristics and the particular time in their life. What then is common to applying the concept of psychological balance in the process of health and healing?Perhaps the first concept to consider is that of balance. Extremes of emotion can be wonderful. Peak experiences such as gaining admission into college, graduation from school, new relationships, travelling adventures and experiences, and other accomplishments that denote arrival and or success are an important part of a fulfilled life. On the other hand we will inevitably experience bitter disappointments and the painful loss in our lifetimes.
A balanced life is not disrupted by the extremes but rather enriched by them. One neither seeks the extremes nor avoids them. Our culture is all about having “peak” experiences. We are sold on the idea that seeking these experiences is the key to a good life. There is no end to the advertising of new popular psychologies, new medications, new technologies, and special events that will lead us to the peak experiences and a fulfilling life. The goal is to see through the hype that attempts to develop a craving for the peak experience and thus create a market for the products that will lead to the experience. Peak experiences are certainly an important part of the fabric of life. They create richness to our lives. However, to experience the pleasure and value in the background events that forms the warp and weave of the fabric of our lives, without succumbing to the seduction of peak experience, is a key component of psychological balance. Flexibility and resilience are valuable to any system whether it is a structure such as a bridge or a living system. The issue of balance emphasizes the value of constancy and equanimity.
Flexibility is the ability to adapt to changing demands from within us, (illness, and internal stressors) and demands from outside ourselves, (Academic stress, illness in family members, new social obligations). Some small part of our ability to adapt is inherited, (wired into our genetic material). The larger part of our adaptability is acquired. We learn adaptive behaviours from our family, our community and the society at large. Unfortunately, we also learn maladaptive behaviours. Achieving optimal health and maintaining it requires a willingness to adapt to change. At times this is difficult to achieve. I see good professional counselling as a valuable way to gain insight into our behaviour: our strengths and weaknesses. From insight we can make constructive change.
Resilience and flexibility allow us to develop a sense of confidence in responding to change. This creates self-esteem, the ability to trust our own instincts and the ability to create trusting and nurturing relationships with others.
These behavioural characteristics are important to psychological health. They are also important to physical health. The field of psychoneuroimmunology describes the relationship between the way we process our experience, (psychological reaction), to immunologic balance and hormonal balance. Simply stated, our attitude towards life Being a teen in the twenty first century could be a lot difficult to actually striking a balance. It is easy to get weighed down with the pressures of academics, social life, relationships and choosing a career. If you have not learned the skill of managing your psychology, you can feel overwhelmed . . . and lose your balance.
CHARACTERISTICS OF YOUTHS WITH BALANCED PSYCHOLOGY
1. sense of contentment: this describes a teen’s life without desperation for success, wealth, sexual abuse etc., which is borne out of concept and culture of survival. 1Tim.6:6.A zest for living and the ability to laugh and have fun: living without the sense of passion and fulfilment makes living a burden. The frustrations experienced by teens as a result of their inability to manage pressures from the ‘constantly changing environment’ has led to loads of them engaging in practices such as alcoholism, prostitution, sexual perversion, drug addiction, armed robbery etc. Ecc.11:9-10
2. The ability to deal with stress and bounce back from adversity: it is so absurd that several teens today think that life is a bed of roses. They live reactively; being situational about life, thereby ending up as failures and victims of circumstances. Ecc.12:1A 3. sense of meaning and purpose, in both their activities and their relationships: “When purpose is not known abuse is inevitable.” Dr. Myles Munroe. A balanced mental and emotional health gives you a sense of meaning in whatsoever you do. Judges 11.
4. The flexibility to learn new things and adapt to change: a balanced psychology keeps you in a state of proactivity, being innovative, inventiveness and creativity. According to a psychiatric consultant that said that, ‘over 90% of Nigerians are mentally impaired’.
5. A balance between work and play, rest and activity: this means ability to understand the dangers of multitasking yourself, time management etc. it means being organized as a teen.
6. The ability to build and maintain fulfilling relationships: only teens with balanced psychologies build such relationships. These are some of the reasons why teens go into intimate relationships, they are: low self-esteem, lack of self-identity, Self-confidence and high self-esteem: this is a product of a good self-image from ‘who God says you are’ as a teen. Gen.1:26-28.These positive characteristics of mental and emotional health allow you to participate in life to the fullest extent possible through productive, meaningful activities and strong relationships. These positive characteristics also help you cope when faced with life's challenges and stresses.
SOURCES OF PRESSURE OR CHALLENGES TO YOUTHS
The youthful years are commonly a very difficult time in a young adult’s life. Internal changes, both physically and mentally, combined with external challenges might result in issues arising. Depression is a common occurrence as there might not always be a person or support structure to turn to. However in the bigger picture, there is often a variety of issues that youths are exposed to or might personally be dealing with. In many cases, youths find themselves trying to make sense of a situation that is often out of their control: Parental divorce, financial pressures, Peer Pressure, Discrimination, Rape, family Issues Loneliness and Isolation, death of a Loved One, Unplanned Pregnancy, Identity Confusion, pressures from Family, medical Problems, recent or Past Sexual or Physical Assault, cultural Oppression, discrimination. In the haze of confusion, looking for comfort or a “comfort zone” has the potential to steer an individual into a spiralling zone of self-damage. Eating Disorders (weight gain and weight loss), substance Abuse, self- Mutilation, social Problems, isolation, suicide, sex, depression, bullying, armed robbery, etc.
CASE STUDIES
1. Joseph: he went through physical abuse, sexual abuse, societal discrimination from family members and the society respectively. Gen.37, 39.
2. Jephthah: his mother was not legally married to his father; he went through discrimination from siblings and kinsmen but was able to manage it. Judges 11.
3. Jesus: there was a controversy about His birth, He had a background of mediocrity, and He was discriminated by His kinsmen and the society at large, including religious and political leaders alike. Mk.6:1-5.
4. Caleb & Joshua: were despised by friends. Num.13:25-33
5. Cosmas Madukka: he was despised by his uncle, discriminated by friends and the society but emerged a success story in business today.
6. Lionel Messy: had a challenge with his growth.
7. Oprah Winfrey: faced financial pressure, sexually assaulted, and discriminated by whites.
8. Pastor E. A. Adeboye: experienced financial hardship hails from a background of mediocrity but ended up becoming a world renowned spiritual leader.
MAINTAINING A PSYCHOLOGICAL BALANCE: HOW?
1. Understand that problems are inevitable; they are part of human existence (of a truth, some are incorporated into your destiny).
2. Understand that you are responsible for the consequences of your choices and behaviours, such as depression, loneliness, substance abuse, aggressive actions, eating disorders etc. Always note that; ‘decisions determines destiny’.
3. Explore and clarify your feelings: Feeling anxious, depressed, or angry at times is understandable, normal, and perhaps even unavoidable given all the pressure of college life. It's a way for your body and mind to tell you there is too much going on, you're juggling too many things, and you're not getting enough support. Becoming more aware of your feelings is the first step to resolving a problem. It gives you the option to express your feelings directly and assertively rather than acting them out in aggressive or self-destructive behaviours. Honestly acknowledging your feelings may help you avoid losing your balance completely by warning you to: get support, analyse your thinking, clarify your needs, prepare yourself, get needed information, set limits
4. Adopt spiritual values and principles as the determinant of your attitude, responses and behaviours.
5. Positive thinking; change your perspective
6. Take it to God in prayer
7. Develop your esteem from God and not from academic, material, financial or human factors respectively.
Conclusively, you are a candidate of destiny! Therefore, maintain your psychology! You will succeed in Jesus name. Amen
Monday, August 31, 2015
MAINTAINING PSYCHOLOGICAL BALANCE
Thursday, August 27, 2015
Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Monday, August 17, 2015
Sunday, August 16, 2015
PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION
Success is not only the achievement of our personal set goals but who you are. Therefore, real success is most importantly the success of who you really are in God. A man can achieve set personal goals and still be a failure in life. But you cannot become who you are and not become a success.
CRITICAL FACTS TO NOTE
1. Personal transformation is not ‘what you achieve’ but ‘who you become’ in the process of time. It is the secret of success.
2. Personal transformation determines what you attract in life. In other words, life does not give you what you desire, but who you are on your inside. That is, the kind of opportunities and resources that you access is a reflection of the transformation within you.
3. Personal transformation is not the same as ‘self-improvement’; it is a difficult process that involves deeper investment of time, energy and resources. It is a life time adventure!
ANALOGIES OF PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION
1. DIMENSIONAL ANALOGY: this could be described from "Building a cube rather than just improving a square." In this analogical concept, the borders of a square could be improved upon, thereby making it more attractive to sight, but it would still maintain same state and dimension of a square. On the other hand, the square could undergo a transformative change if it grew into a cube. That means adding a dimension by going up and breaking out of the table top. That’s transformational change. The original square is still there, but now it is just one part of something profoundly enriched. Something just like that is possible for your life!
2. CHANGE OF STATE ANALOGY: this analogy comes from physics. Consider how water can go through changes as it is heated. When a change of state occurs, we have a good analogy for a transformational change. But look what is required. If we start with ice-cold water (32o F), it takes a certain amount of heat to warm that water to boiling hot, but still liquid, H2O at 212 degrees. But to get that water to transformationally change into steam, we have to add five times more energy than we invested in getting it from 32 to 212 degrees. That extra investment of energy can remind us of an important fact.
3. METAMORPHOSIS: this analogy is gotten from basic science. It is actually a process that occurs in insects. That is, the stages of development that begins from the egg stage to the adult stage, passing through the larva and pupa stages respectively.
KEYS TO PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION
1. YOUR VISION: vision could be fundamentally defined as the picture of your future from where you are. If you have no vision you will have no future! Abraham could not record any meaningful transformation without vision. Vision connects you with who you are. Genesis 15:1-7.
All great success stories have this in common; including business, banking, manufacturing, spiritual etc. Therefore, without a vision, everywhere will look like the place.
2. YOUR THOUGHTS: you cannot experience real transformation without a change of thoughts. Great thoughts are products of deep thoughts. Until you start thinking like God you cannot develop to actually be who God has ordained you to become in life. Proverbs 23:7, Romans 12:2, Psalms 92:5.
This is not an easy process though. It is a process that involves fighting against all negative thoughts by pulling them down; it is a warfare activity. It will take the help of the Holy Ghost to really change the way you think.
3. YOUR WORDS: the scripture says, “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” When you invest in your heart with great words you will soon start talking like God. I have come to discover that the person we hear mostly in life is ourselves. Learn the art of talking to yourself until you eradicate all forms of irrelevant things out of your life. In other words, you define whatsoever you become. Genesis 1, Romans 14:17.
4. YOUR ACTIONS: a wise man once said that, “success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration.” Until your actions are rightly in correlation you will not experience any meaningful transformation. Great men don’t just improve on themselves but grow into becoming who God created them to be from one dimension to the other. David grew from being a shepherd to becoming a king, Moses also transformed from being a shepherd to become a leader. 1Samuel 16:1-15, Exodus 3:1-10.
5. YOUR SELF -IMAGE: a man’s self-image is the picture of yourself inside you as an individual. This picture controls your life. You will never achieve anything contrary to the person you see constantly inside your sub-conscious (imagination). It is what controls your self-esteem. How you see yourself is the way the devil will see you.
CHARACTERISTICS OF INDIVIDUALS WITH WEAK SELF-IMAGE
1. A pessimistic outlook on life
2. Lack of confidence
3. Extreme sensitivity to the opinions of others
4. Self-consciousness about appearance, performance and status
5. A striving to become somebody or something in life
6. A critical and judgemental view of others
7. Defensiveness in conversation
8. Developing clinging relationships
9. Depending on material possessions for security
10. Transference of responsibility
11. Inability to accept praise; the feeling of not deserving success
12. Underestimation of self
13. Lamentation about the past and anxiety for the future
STEPS TO PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION
1. Capture a vision for yourself
2. Make a decision for transformation and not improvement
3. Detach yourself from past failure experiences, from wrong associations, ideologies, etc.
4. Make self-actualization your priority and not financial or material rewards
5. Don’t be afraid of failure; give your best to whatsoever you do
6. Take practical steps to brainwash yourself with God’s word
7. Give yourself to acquisition of new sets of information from inspired materials
8. Engage yourself in the art of meditation
9. Adopt God’s principles as your values
10. Organize your vision into practical SMART goals
SUCCESS HABITS
“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” -Aristotle
Our character, basically, is a composite of our habits. "Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny," the maxim goes.
Habits are routine behaviors done on a regular basis. They are recurrent and often unconscious patterns of behavior and are acquired through frequent repetition. Many of these are unconscious as we don’t even realize we are doing them.
Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary defines habits as:
An acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary
The prevailing disposition or character of a person's thoughts and feelings.
A settled tendency or usual manner of behavior
A behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance
So we can see that habits define our character, our thoughts and feelings and our ‘usual’ behaviors. We can also see that habits are behaviors that are nearly or completely involuntary and because they are repeated frequently, we become ‘better’ at them (increased facility of performance).
For our purposes, we will define a habit as the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire. Knowledge is the theoretical paradigm, the ‘what’ to do and the ‘why’. Skill is the how to do. And desire is the motivation, the want to do. In order to make something a habit in our lives, we have to have all three.
I may be ineffective in my interactions with my work associates, my spouse, or my children because I constantly tell them what I think, but I never really listen to them. Unless I search out correct principles of human interaction, I may not even know I need to listen.
Even if I do know that in order to interact effectively with others I really need to listen to them, I may not have the skill. I may not know how to really listen deeply to another human being.
But knowing I need to listen and knowing how to listen is not enough. Unless I want to listen, unless I have the desire, it won't be a habit in my life. Creating a habit requires work in all three dimensions.
The being/seeing change is an upward process -- being changing, seeing, which in turn changes being, and so forth, as we move in an upward spiral of growth. By working on knowledge, skill, and desire, we can break through to new levels of personal and interpersonal effectiveness as we break with old paradigms that may have been a source of pseudo-security for years.
It's sometimes a painful process. It's a change that has to be motivated by a higher purpose, by the willingness to subordinate what you think you want now for what you want later. But this process produces happiness, "the object and design of our existence." Happiness can be defined, in part at least, as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually.
WHAT ARE HABITS FOR?
The basic purpose of habits is to assists us in our daily lives. Imagine if all of us have to consciously think and direct our intentions when doing and going through every single thing in our daily lives.
If there is something that you routinely do every day, like brush your teeth when you wake up, stop the car when there’s a red light or follow the correct route when driving to your office, how inconvenient would it be if you have to repeatedly direct your full attention when doing these tasks every day?
Habits simplify our lives by putting these routine, regularly repeated actions on auto-pilot. We don’t need to think or put any explicit attention to performing these tasks. It makes going through our daily lives much more manageable.
Apart from that, in addition to not requiring us to constantly use our brains, habits also allows to us to perform multiple tasks at the same time. You can drive and talk at the same time; you can brush your teeth while thinking about ideas for your business proposal, your next line of action in your career, academics and relationships etc.
GOOD AND BAD HABITS
Just as we have good habits, we also have bad habits. Despite the original function of habits to simplify our lives, we can also develop habits that are negative and destructive.
Whenever we repeatedly exhibit a behaviour, response or thought, it will become a habit. So if you like to eat a lot when you feel bored, you are wiring yourself to eat whenever you feel bored. Or the more you allow yourself to lose temper over trivial matters, the more likely it will happen again.
A bad habit is an undesirable behavior pattern. Common examples include: procrastination, fidgeting, overspending, and nail-biting.
That is why we must be very careful and be aware of the habits that we are unconsciously developing every single day. Having good, positive habits is the key to living a happy, successful life.
HABITS
1. Service: this is to act in way to satisfy a particular interest. If your interest is to satisfy and add value to other people’s life and the community where you live, it will affect your entire destiny positively. Service is the secret to becoming significant and not just success.
The scripture tells us to give priority to others rather than ourselves. Let this mind be in you! The golden rule also says what you want others do to you, do also to them.
2. Excellence: Excellence is more than well done. It means, to go beyond the mark, to deliver superior quality, to produce works of distinction and to constantly upgrade and refine. One of the reasons why we don’t establish homes, companies that has been able to stand the test of time for decades or centuries respectively, is because we are not excellent oriented.
3. Responsibility: this is responding to ability. In other words, you are responsible for your actions, emotions, words, and decision and thought and more so, for any form of consequences.
4. Prioritization: you must be able to understand in your life and destiny, what is important to you in varying degrees as it relates to time. To some of us, every time is the time to act. 2Chro.12:32, John 7:1-10. In the creation experience of God for example, giving priority to what is important was not optional but fundamental. You cannot arrive at your destination without developing this habit. It is so absurd to know that loads of youth do not even know what is important to them.
5. Innovation: this is a positive and progressive change in whatsoever you do. Nothing in life, in your profession, relationship etc. is totally finished. There is always a better way of doing what you are doing now. The only constant thing in life is change. Always ask yourself this question; is there a better way of doing what is doing now?
6. Association: this simply means relationship. Don’t be sentimental about relationships. Learn the art of valuing each other, as no one is an island of wisdom, knowledge and understanding. One of the most profound and critical truths in life is that, you cannot succeed alone; you need people. There is no self-made man!
7. Action-oriented: the distance between where you are and excellence is A-C-T-I-O-N. Always see yourself as behind schedule, even before starting. Discipline yourself against procrastination, excuses and transference of responsibility.
8. Strategic planning: it is thinking ahead on paper. Planning is dealing with your mistake upfront.
Integrity: this means to be honest with your God, yourself and with others. People will only submit their ‘will’ to you when they believe your ‘yes’ is ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ is ‘no’. What impression do you want people to have about you? Wise people work to earn respect, while the unwise work and do all things to make money. Do you destroy your name because of money? 9. Gratitude and gratefulness: develop the attitude of gratitude. Learn how to say am sorry. Learn how to say thank you to your colleague irrespective of his/her position or how little the help may be.
10. Prudence: this is the wisdom application of the management of resources available for production process.
11. Renewal: know when to go for your break. Appreciate and cultivate the habit of recreation. Even God our creator went on break.
12. Self-improvement: our ability to earn income is a depreciating factor. We have spent our lives improving ourselves to earn income. There is need to constantly upgrade yourself as the things we celebrate today may not be the happenings tomorrow.
13. Celebrating little success: this habit is borne out of a bigger picture. Until you could picture your future or have an insight of it, you would see your opportunities as coincidental.
14. Foresight: this is the ability to look ahead, to anticipate with some accuracy where your life, business, career or ministry is going. This is a component of strategic thinking. It also involves predicting accurately what is likely to happen in the future based on the current happenings.
15. Humility: it doesn’t mean that you are weak or unsure of yourself. It means that you have the self-confidence and self-awareness to recognize the value of others without feeling threatened. It means that you are willing to admit you could be wrong, that you recognize you may not have all answers. And it means that you give credit where credit is due.
16. Focus: great success stories all over the globe have incorporated this habit in their systems as humans. If you must become a success you must learn to focus on results, on what you must achieve by yourself and as a group. You must learn to focus on your strengths that gives you competitive advantage.
ELIMINATING BAD HABITS
There are many techniques for removing bad habits once they have become established. One example is withdrawal of reinforcers—identifying and removing the factors which trigger the habit and encourage its persistence. The basal ganglia appear to remember the context that triggers a habit, meaning they can be revived if triggers reappear.
HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO FORM AN HABIT?
say you want to create a new habit, whether it's taking more exercise, eating more healthily, reading or writing an article every day, how often does it need to be performed before it no longer requires Herculean self-control?
Clearly it's going to depend on the type of habit you're trying to form and how single-minded you are in pursuing your goal. But are there any general guidelines for how long it takes before behaviors become automatic?
Do a research and you'll get a figure of somewhere between 21 and 28 days. In fact there's no solid evidence for this number at all. The 21 day myth may well come from a book published in 1960 by a plastic surgeon. Dr Maxwell Maltz noticed that amputees took, on average, 21 days to adjust to the loss of a limb and he argued that people take 21 days to adjust to any major life changes. Unless you're in the habit of sawing off your own arm, this is not particularly relevant.
DOING WITHOUT THINKING
Now, however, there is some psychological research on this question in a paper recently published in the European Journal of Social Psychology. Phillippa Lally and colleagues from University College London recruited 96 people who were interested in forming a new habit such as eating a piece of fruit with lunch or doing a 15 minute run each day Lally et al. (2009). Participants were then asked daily how automatic their chosen behaviors felt. These questions included things like whether the behavior was 'hard not to do' and could be done 'without thinking'.
When the researchers examined the different habits, many of the participants showed a curved relationship between practice and automaticity of the form depicted below (solid line). On average a plateau in automaticity was reached after 66 days. In other words it had become as much of a habit as it was ever going to become.
This graph shows that early practice was rewarded with greater increases in automaticity and gains tailed off as participants reached their maximum automaticity for that behavior.
Although the average was 66 days, there was marked variation in how long habits took to form, anywhere from 18 days up to 254 days in the habits examined in this study. As you'd imagine, drinking a daily glass of water became automatic very quickly but doing 50 sit-ups before breakfast required more dedication (above, dotted lines). The researchers also noted that:
Missing a single day did not reduce the chance of forming a habit.
A sub-group took much longer than the others to form their habits, perhaps suggesting some people are 'habit-resistant'.
Other types of habits may well take much longer.
NO SMALL CHANGE
What this study reveals is that when we want to develop a relatively simple habit like eating a piece of fruit each day or taking a 10 minute walk, it could take us over two months of daily repetitions before the behavior becomes a habit. And, while this research suggests that skipping single days isn't detrimental in the long-term, it's those early repetitions that give us the greatest boost in automaticity.
Unfortunately it seems there's no such thing as small change: the much-repeated 21 days to form a habit is a considerable underestimation unless your only goal in life is drinking glasses of water.
In conclusion, habits are products of discipline. Thank you.
12 SIMPLE SECRETS TO LIVING HAPPY
To live happily means to derive the sense of fulfillment in life as it relates to your profession, your faith and your relationships, which include your home. Living without been happy has various consequences in ones spiritual, psychological, social and professional life.
What I am about sharing with you are products from my failure and success experiences and also from outstanding men of great repute.
THE SECRETS
1. Live within your means: This secret is not in the culture of this generation. Living beyond your income or resources available is an attitude of the unwise. Those who live beyond their income are always blind to opportunities. Such individuals would rather complain and give excuses instead of investing. If you don't want to live in perpetual frustration, then learn to live within your means. It was the practice of Jesus when He fed the multitude
2. Go for your needs and not wants: It is so disheartening to know that many do not even know what it means to prioritize around their need. The scripture says, "My God shall supply all your needs ..."Not your wants. A 'need' is anything that is important and urgent. Some things are important but not urgent. Some are not urgent and not important at the same time.
3. Plan your achievements: To live happily you need to be proactive about your life. You must learn to set goals that are short, medium and long term respectively. Don't live your life to chance but by deliberate decisions; this will make you happy and give you some sense of fulfillment.
4. Put God first: What does this means? It means to be guided by God in all your endeavors. It also means to love what God loves and hate what He hates. It could also mean, pleasing God rather than men (integrity). But unfortunately we live in a world where integrity is almost missing. Little wonder why we have people of great riches that unfulfilled; they live without happiness.
5. Practice the golden rule: The golden rule principle says, "Whatsoever you want others do to you, should not be done to them in return."If you know you need help, forgiveness, favor etc from others, then give it in return and you will be happy. If you want to be happy sow happiness to other peoples life and vice versa.
6. Learn to forgive others: one major reason why people don't forgive others is because they think they are perfect and better than others. Unforgiveness brings depression and sickness to the heart of man. Why not choose to be free by letting others go free.
7. Go for knowledge; learn new things and be given to change: Acquisition of knowledge and learning new skills on how things should be done better, let’s say in marriage, business etc, it brings happiness.
8. Reward yourself: This secret may not be part of our culture and beliefs in this part of the world, but if you want to live happily then you should make it part of your system. How to reward yourself? Go for vacations, learn to pay yourself, go out for picnic with loved ones, fulfill your goals etc.
9. Work on your weaknesses: The world and people around you may know you for your "strength", but without managing your weaknesses effectively, it will definitely destroy everything your “strength” has constructed for you.
10. Learn from your mistakes: There are several ways to become wise and one of them is: learning from your failure-experiences. To live a happy life therefore, gain wisdom.
11. Mind your own business: Too many people in our world compete with others, not for the reason of gaining competitive advantage, but another way to manifest there greed and covetousness. To live happy therefore, you must be focused and compete with your "potential."
12. Speak positively: The scripture tells us that, death and life are in the power of the tongue. If you want to derive the sense of fulfillment then refrain your tongue from speaking negatively. Only speak words of grace.
It shall be well with you, your relationships, your career and your future. Congratulations and welcome to the world of fulfillment.